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Leprechaun in the Hood Early Script Part 4 |
Other stuff: Email - Guestbook |
Written by Douglas L. Hall for Trimark Pictures
LEPRECHAUN: A thief in the sanctuary!
Stray runs down the stairs and into the basement, with the Leprechaun in hot pursuit. He makes it safely with the others and slams the door.
STRAY BULLET: We outta' the fryin' pan.
BUTCH: An' into the damn fire! Shit! We is dead now!
A LOUD KNOCK is heard at the door.
LEPRECHAUN: (O.S.) You burned me once, you burned me twice, now open this door and let's place nice!
STRAY BULLET: Don't nobody open that door! Shit!
Butch is busy looking around for things he can use.
BUTCH: (pointing) That safe! Help me roll it up do the door! Come on!
It takes all of the boys to position the safe in front of the door. Another KNOCK.
LEPRECHAUN: (O.S.) Heeeerrrreee's Leppie!
BUTCH: Stray, you play that flute, git him good and mad! Work him into a real frenzy! We'll crack this door, and he'll run right into this safe. We close it up and then we have him for good!
STRAY BULLET: Why I gots to play the flute?! He be comin' at me then!
In a show of leadership, Post steps forward, grabs the flute from Stray, and begins to play. The mesmerizing sound puts the Leprechaun in a frenzy. He begins to BANG and SCRATCH on the door.
LEPRECHAUN: (O.S.) How dare you taunt the Leprechaun! Your torment shall last from dusk to dawn!
More BANGING and SCRATCHING.
BUTCH: Allright, Stray. Open that door and when you hear a thud in the back 'a this safe, shut it!
The boys crack the door to the basement and the Leprechaun comes hurtling in, right into the safe. They slam the door and hold their breaths.
LEPRECHAUN: (O.S.) (muffled) Let me out! Let me out!
Everyone jumps up and down in celebration.
WRECK: Let's shoot that mo'fo' again!
STRAY BULLET: Long as we got that flute, ain't gon' be nothin' but problems!
POSTMASTER P: You trippin' on a negative groove! (holding up the flute) This flute ain't our problem! It be the answer to our problems!
WRECK: We can kill Mack! And this Leprechaun ain't goin' nowhere!
KUNG-FU JOE: We should give back the Leprechaun's flute. Let him be on his way.
POSTMASTER P: No! We on our way! We can do some good wif' this.
The boys ponder a moment.
STRAY BULLET: Yo, we record the flute. You know, sample it. See if it really got the power Mack says it got.
POSTMASTER P: How we gon' record somethin' can't be heard?
BUTCH: That's it! Our new equipment has ultra high frequencies! If it picks it up, then we store it in our sound database and always have it! We be makin' gold records forever!
At this, CUT TO THE LEPRECHAUN, entrapped in the safe. The word gold piques his attention, and he listens.
WRECK: (O.S.) And we make mo'r money, mo'r money, mo'r money! Pink an' green! Pink an' green!
POSTMASTER P: Gold records! More'n we can count!
The boys leave, confident in their futures.
LEPRECHAUN: Discs of gold, hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
INT. STRAY'S RAP STUDIO/APARTMENT - DAY
The boys and Kung-Fu Joe are trying to record the flute sound. They are listening to the music, but no flute is heard.
STRAY BULLET: Butch, you sure you got that miked into the right track?! It don't soun' no different.
BUTCH: Everything is connected right! We ain't gon' know 'til that audition.
WRECK: Ain't that some sorry shit!
POSTMASTER P: Ain't nothin' but a thang! We gon' do what we gotta do straight up! Butch, record that flute from the beginning! If it don't get thangs jammin' at the audition, I got the backup. Either way, we gon' audition, win the semis, and go to Vegas for some big money!
WRECK: Damn skippy my brother!
BUTCH: (worried) We playin' wif' some evil shit, boy!
POSTMASTER P: Stray. Is you down, or is you down?!
STRAY BULLET: (resigned) Let's git the shit on the road.
INT. CHURCH BASEMENT - DAY
The Leprechaun, trapped in the safe, plots his way out.
LEPRECHAUN: (to himself) From the depths of the nether worlds, come to me my zombie fly girls! From the depths of the nether worlds, come to me my zombie fly girls!
INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY
The boys have just finished setting up the equipment for their audition, and are standing onstage. The White Flight Boys sit in the audience.
PROMOTER: You boys ready?! This is yo'r last chance to make a good impression.
MILK: (to his group) I didn't know there was gonna be comedy on the program!
His co-horts laugh at his joke.
STRAY BULLET: Shut up, Vanilla Spice! I'm gonna bust a cap in yo'r ass!
POSTMASTER P: Stray! Positive man! Positive!
The music cues up and the boys begin. Judging from the look of White Flight and the promoter, nothing is happening. The boys sense things aren't going well.
Post begins blowing on the flute and everything comes together. The promoter is grooving and even White Flight likes it. Post continues to blow hard on the flute, captivating everyone as Stray Bullet struts and raps.
After awhile, the gang finishes.
PROMOTER: (clapping) Yeah! Yeah! You is some serious, groove-bustin', funky-ass, hip-hop muthas!
POSTMASTER P: So we passed the audition?!
PROMOTER: Passed?! You boys is closin' the show tonight!
MILK: You promised we would close! This isn't fair! We shall overthrow! We shall overthrow! We shall overthrow someday!
INT. CHURCH - DAY
Reverend Hanson is holding the offering plates in his hands while surveying the mess in his church. The parishoners have gone home. Surprisingly, he is not too disappointed.
REVEREND HANSON: Must be the Lord's way 'a tellin' me to have a fundraiser. Praise God for the fundraiser!
He begins to count the money from the Sunday service, slipping it in his pockets.
REVEREND HANSON: (counting) One for me, one for me. Two for me, two for me. Three for me, three for me. Four for me...
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the Zombie Girls sneaking into a side entrance.
REVEREND HANSON: (cont'd) Praise be, more sinners! Let me lay my hands on you sinful creatures and pass on God's blessing!
Zombie Girl 1 glides over in a sultry fashion, puts her arm around the reverend and turns him from the others. The other Zombie Girls disappear downstairs.
ZOMBIE GIRL 1: Do you have the gift of healing, reverend?
REVEREND HANSON: Oh, yes, chil'. Yes! A course, my specialty is the gift of tongues.
Zombie Girl 1 begins to kiss the reverend, and they slowly sink to the floor of the sanctuary in a passionate embrace. Then,
LEPRECHAUN: (O.S.) He, he, he, he, he.
The Reverend is startled by the presence of the Leprechaun and the rest of the Zombie Girls.
REVEREND HANSON: (cont'd) I knows the beast when I sees him! Get thee hence from the house of the Lord! Uh, the ladies can stay.
LEPRECHAUN: Robbing the hood, good Reverend? He, he, he, he, he. Now give up me golden flute!
The Leprechaun advances.
REVEREND HANSON: (cont'd) Ain't got no flute, and wouldn't give to you if I did! The Lord delivered the Israelites from the hands of the Phillistines!! He delivered David from Goliath. Delivered Letterman from NBC! And he'll deliver me from yo'r freaky little ass too. Praise God!
The piano begins to play by itself. As if in a spell, the Reverend is hypnotically drawn to the piano.
LEPRECHAUN: Play me a song before you die, and you'll see hell, by and by.
He cannot resist the will of the Leprechaun. He struggles against unseen forces, but finds himself sitting at the piano. The Leprechaun begins to direct him like a conductor. He begins to play a slow, somber, dark tune. Suddenly, the keyboard cover falls on the Reverend's hands, pinning his fingers to the keyboard.
He CRIES out in agony.
The Leprechaun goes to the altar, where the cash and bread remain. The Zombie girls scavenge the cash, and the Leprechaun takes the bread and advances upon the reverend. The Lep jumps on the reverend's back, and holds the bread over his face. And as the reverend begins to suffocate,
LEPRECHAUN: (cont'd) Money, cash, dough, and bread. He had his fill 'til he was dead!
The Reverend slumps over the keyboard, dead.
INT. AUDITORIUM - NIGHT
The gang is standing backstage at the big rap contest. Another band's music can be heard in the background.
STRAY BULLET: (nervous) This is it fellas! This the big-time. Wreck, where's that turntable?!
The turntable is around Wreck's neck.
WRECK: (drawing on his blunt) Aroun' my neck, fool!
POSTMASTER P: Butch, put that flute front an' center. I'm gonna spin a positive melody over a nasty groove.
BUTCH: (nervous, breathing hard) You can count on me... homies.
STRAY BULLET: (to Butch) Where's that nitrogen climaxiride?
BUTCH: Triiodide! It's on the stage! (pointing at a bag at the base of a speaker) An' I got some left over. Man, you makin' me nervous!
The other group, White Flight, is finishing big. They get a good applause and take their bows.
STRAY BULLET: Damn! White Flight got it goin' on!
POSTMASTER P: The only peeps goin' on is us! Goin' on to Vegas for the finals!
ANNOUNCER: (O.S.) Yo, yo, yo! Let's hear it for our next duo from right here in the hood...
POSTMASTER P: Allright, homies! This is it!! Positive, positive!!
ANNOUNCER: (O.S.) Postmaster P and Stray Bullet, aka Two!! Good!! Hoods!!
KUNG-FU JOE: Good luck!
White Flight runs backstage as the boys run past them.
FAST FORWARD.
The boys start to play and the audience is relatively quiet. Stray and Post strut and sing and the audience is listening, but not responding. Then Post pulls out the flute, and immediately the crowd is mesmerized by its haunting sound.
Post revels in the attention of the young women at the front of the stage. Panties are thrown up on the stage in his direction. He puts them on his head.
Wreck is rocking the turntable, and Butch is handling the mix perfectly. Kung-Fu grooves to the sound backstage. He looks around to see four beautiful women, the Zombie Fly Girls standing behind him. They smile seductively.
MILK: (to the girls) Once you go white...
The girls ignore him.
MILK: (cont'd) That sound... can't be the shoes. Hmmm... it's gotta be the flute!
The group is ready for the big finish. As the music ends, the boys jump on the bags of nitrogen triiodide placed on the stage. A moderate EXPLOSION occurs, and the crowd goes crazy with applause.
The boys rush off the stage and into the wings. The Zombie Girls walk towards them. They think they've hit the jackpot.
POSTMASTER P: Damn! Everyone a' them bitches is finer than Matty!
WRECK: Pink an' green! Pink an' green!
The boys approach the ZFGs, and just as they meet, the Leprechaun, perched on a rail above them, swoops down in front of them.
LEPRECHAUN: The crowd is impressed! They loved every note! But how will you sound, from the bottom of my moat?!
The Leprechaun and the girls attack. The Leprechaun immediately goes for Post, but he will not relinquish the flute though he takes repeated blows from the Leprechaun. The ZFGs each take one of the other boys, subjugating them quickly and keeping them from helping Post.
POSTMASTER P: Help! Get this freak off me!
Kung-Fu is the only one not disabled, but he can't get by his Zombie Girl.
KUNG-FU JOE: I can't hit a girl! It wouldn't be right!
POSTMASTER P: Help me, Joe! Save me, Joe!
KUNG-FU JOE: (to the Zombie Girl) I'm sorry!
And with several swift chops, he disposes of her easily.
KUNG-FU JOE: (cont'd) I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! I'll call!
Joe runs to the Leprechaun.
KUNG-FU JOE: (cont'd) Come on evil green man!
LEPRECHAUN: (as he leaves Post) You challenge the Lep, with the flute at stake?! What tragic errors these humans make!
Kung-Fu Joe attacks, but the Leprechaun is elusive. Joe's kicks and punches miss.
LEPRECHAUN: (cont'd) He, he, he, he. Missed me, missed me, never should have dissed me!
Then the Lep strikes at Joe, and in the process, snatches the medallion from around his neck.
KUNG-FU JOE: The medallion!
Then the Leprechaun does his own karate, bringing Joe to his knees and knocking him unconscious with one kick. Milk, who has been watching, seizes the opportunity and takes the flute from Post's hand. He begins to run but trips and when he tries to get up, he is surrounded by the Zombie Girls and the Leprechaun. The Lep grabs the flute from him.
MILK: (nervously) Oh, is that yours! You should put your name on your things.
The Leprechaun thrusts the flute into Milk's chest, killing him almost instantly.
The Leprechaun and the Zombie Girls march out onto the stage. The ZFGs remove their shades, showing the light coming from their eyes. The crowd goes crazy. The Leprechaun plays the flute and the crowd opens for them. Backstage, the police have come to calm things down.
KUNG-FU JOE: (as he comes to) The medallion! The medallion! Oh, no! I'm nothing without the medallion!
As the boys re-assemble, they are approached by a sharply dressed black man, BERRY GRADY.
BERRY GRADY: Berry Grady, Vice President of A & R for Dope Discs Productions.
STRAY BULLET: The biggest label in hip-hop?!
BERRY GRADY: Guilty as charged, home boy. You guys have a great sound, and a great knack for showmanship. Where's your short little friend? That wasn't Spike Lee was it?
WRECK: He got a c-c-case 'a stage fright.
BERRY GRADY: No matter. Despite the commotion, I'm pleased to inform you that you won the contest! Congratulations!
The group is excited, despite the carnage that has occurred. They hug each other.
STRAY BULLET: We ain't in it but to win it! Know what I'm sayin'?
BERRY GRADY: (cont'd) There's a real special quality about your music. And the kids are down with it!
POSTMASTER P: Yeah, we got a positive message, Berry! That shit be sellin'!
BERRY GRADY: I hope you're ready for Las Vegas then! You're on the bill with the east coast winner! You perform there like you did here, and I'd say you're a stone bet to win!
The group jumps up and down.
BUTCH: Post, what about the-
POSTMASTER P: (interrupting, looking around) Flute! The flute! Damn!
BERRY GRADY: Hey, you have time to get another flute. We had to push back your debut for a couple of days. That should give you enough time for a new flute. (produces a money order from his pocket) This money order for $1,000 should allow you to replace it. (hands it to Post) Look, be at the airport on Tuesday by 8 p.m. There are four airline tickets under my name. The plane leaves at 9 p.m. for Vegas. There'll be a limo waiting to take you to the Hard Rock Cafe when you arrive. Fellas, congratulations!
Berry takes off. Meanwhile, an ambulance has arrived and a stretcher is brought for Milk.
POSTMASTER P: We can do this! We can make this work!
STRAY BULLET: How we gon' make this work, Post?! That flute is magical! It ain't like that stupid-ass medallion story we made up.
KUNG-FU JOE: You mean, it was not from the great Kung-Fu master, Chang Kai Shecky?
WRECK: We ma-ma-made that shit up, Joe.
STRAY BULLET: (cont'd) You did all that Kung-Fu shit on yo'r own. Ain't no magic to it. We was tired 'a seein' yo'r ass get busted up!
WRECK: Yeah, you was about to kick that freak's butt 'til you froze up!
STRAY BULLET: There ain't no stoppin' that freak! He like the Energizer Bunny!
BUTCH: I recognize them girls from the Golden Cue. He must've turnt they asses into Zombie chicks!
POSTMASTER P: Then he probably holed up at the Cue.
And as Milk is rolled by on a gurney,
STRAY BULLET: Post, man, you gon' git all our asses kilt! I'll join a gang 'for I go out like this. I can fight the white man, but this is supernatural!
POSTMASTER P: Now see, in his book 'Giant Steps', Tony Robbins says--
STRAY BULLET: Giant steps?! He oughta' write a book called 'Giant Teeth'!
BUTCH: That's it! My books! I think I have a solution.
INT. BUTCH'S BEDROOM - DAY
Everyone is gathered in Butch's bedroom. He has many trappings of a scientist; a telescope, microscope, beakers and many open books.
BUTCH: Now don't touch nothin'. This is a laboratory, an' serious research be goin' on here.
Wreck immediately picks up a beaker with some blue liquid in it.
WRECK: Yo, Butch! Could I drink this shit?
Butch looks at it and begins to walk over to his floor-to-ceiling bookcase.
BUTCH: Well you could,
And so Wreck immediately begins to drink it.
BUTCH: (cont'd) if you want to begin menstruating.
WRECK: I ain't scared 'a no menses. I plays wid' pain.
Butch takes a book from the shelf.
BUTCH: Ah, here it is.
STRAY BULLET: What's that, Butch?
BUTCH: Leprechauns for Dummies.
POSTMASTER P: (looking through his books) Damn, you got 'em all, Butch! (reading) Drive-bys for Dummies... How to Meet Models for Dummies... Date Rape for Dummies...
BUTCH: Oh, them last two ain't mine.
POSTMASTER P; Uh-huh.
KUNG-FU JOE: What does it say about Leprechauns, Butch?
BUTCH: Leprechauns are rumored to be the dark elves of Satan, each with his own pot of gold.
KUNG-FU JOE: Why does a Leprechaun need gold?
BUTCH: They is so tiny that peeps is always capturin' 'em. The gold is ransom for their freedom. Anyone crazy enough to take their shit is hunted down and killed in a most brutal manner.
STRAY BULLET: So how we gon' stop that bad boy?
BUTCH: According to legend, they can only be contained in a cage made of 100% wrought iron.
STRAY BULLET: Damn! Like that safe in the church!
BUTCH: Or, by placin' a gold necklace around their neck.
STRAY BULLET: The necklace! Post, you had that necklace last. Give it up, boy!
POSTMASTER P: Shit. I throwed it in a junkyard!
STRAY BULLET: You crazy-ass Negro! Boy what you do that for?!
POSTMASTER P: 'Cause I was mad 'bout shootin' Mack!
BUTCH: Here's somethin'. A four-leaf clover is the only defense in an attack, and can be used to break the spell of the Leprechaun by smoking it.
STRAY BULLET: Where we gon' git a four-leaf clover?
POSTMASTER P: I've got a four-leaf clover! I've got two! (remembering fondly) My first date wif' Matty. Went on a church picnic. Foun' two four-leaf clovers and kept 'em for good luck.
WRECK: You got four, two-leaf clovers?!
STRAY BULLET: Two four-leaf clovers fool!
WRECK: A two by fo'r?! What?!
STRAY BULLET: Shut up, Wreck!
WRECK: Why you got to yell at me? Is it somethin' I said?! Did I do somethin'? Just tell me if I did?
BUTCH: Damn! That blue shit is kickin' in already. Post, we understand if those clovers are special.
POSTMASTER P: Them clovers ain't brought me near as much luck as that flute! I'll buy me a gold, four-leaf clover when I git to Vegas!
BUTCH: Then I have a plan!
KUNG-FU JOE: Wait a minute. We have disturbed the sanctity of the Leprechaun's spirit. It is not right to use his tools for our own gain.
STRAY BULLET: I hate to say it but--
POSTMASTER P: (interrupting) Yo, Stray! We founded this group. This is what we was meant to do. Shit be in our blood! We wasn't nothin' 'til we got that flute. And we is too close to havin' it all to settle for nothin'!
KUNG-FU JOE: Self-esteem cannot be taken from another, but can only be gained from achievement and experience.
POSTMASTER P: Oh, now you the philosopher!
KUNG-FU JOE: No. The man who said that . . . has much bigger teeth than mine. (pause) My journey with you has come to an end. I can no longer continue along this path. It is not true. It is not right.
Joe turns and leaves.
POSTMASTER P: If you change yo'r mind we gon' be at the Cue. Kickin' ass, takin' names and soon to be headlinin' in Sin City!
As he walks out, Wreck begins to CRY.
STRAY BULLET: Fool, what you cryin' for?!
WRECK: It be just like in that movie, 'Boyz in Da Hood' when--
POSTMASTER P: (interrupting) Butch, lay out the plan! Stray, git Wreck some Midol! Damn!
EXT. JUNKYARD - DAY
Stray, Post, Wreck and Butch are standing in the junkyard.
POSTMASTER P: Allright, allright, I was about right here when I tossed that bad boy. (pointng) It gotta be right around there! Let's check it out.
BUTCH: An' keep yo'r eye out for wrought iron. We gon' make the cage from that shit.
WRECK: (whimpering) It's hot out here. I wanna go home. Is this all we gon' do, today? I could'a stayed home and cleaned.
FAST FORWARD. The boys are going between piles of twisted junk metal and iron. They are walking along, Post leading, and he stops suddenly.
He motions to them to be quiet. A tiny foot comes out from behind a pile of metal. The foot is still.
POSTMASTER P: (whispering and pointing) Look a there. I felt like somebody was shadowin' us.
STRAY BULLET: What we gon' do?
POSTMASTER P: I ain't goin' down wif'out a fight.
WRECK: (whimpering) I hate violence.
POSTMASTER P: When I hold up three fingers, we all rush him.
He holds up one, two, and three fingers. They rush around the corner and tackle the little person, the same little person who Mack Daddy accosted in the bathroom at the Golden Cue.
He has been trying to take a pee, and as they have all fallen on him,
POSTMASTER P: (cont'd) We got his ass!
STRAY BULLET: Mutha-fucker ain't so tough!
BUTCH: Where yo'r zombie bitches now, Mr. Lep?
STRAY BULLET: Damn! Who be wettin' an' shit?!
They all jump up, and there on the ground is the little person, pants down around his ankles.
LITTLE PERSON: Damn! Where a little person gotta go to take a little piss?!
He gets dressed and storms off, MUMBLING.
POSTMASTER P: Come on, let's keep lookin'. All them little peoples is freaks!
FAST FORWARD. The boys have not found the necklace, but they have collected a fair amount of iron.
BUTCH: This should be enough iron. If we git him in that cage, we ain't gon' need that necklace.
STRAY BULLET: Just the same, Wreck, you stay an' keep lookin' for that necklace, but be at the Cue by high noon. That's when it all goin' down. You got that?!
WRECK: (now bitchy) Yeah, I got it! Do I look deaf to you, mo'fo'! Shit! Get out my face! Always be Wreck this, Wreck that! What I look like, Stupid Spice?!
BUTCH: Mood swings. He'll be fine by noon.
EXT. THE GOLDEN CUE - DAY
Stray has pulled his car near the front of the Golden Cue. The boys get out and look around. Butch goes to the back and undoes the rope which holds the trunk down over the wrought iron cage.
POSTMASTER P: (pointing above the entrance) Yeah, we hook this bad boy from the top, and when that little freak run out, clank!
BUTCH: Yeah, an' we got a batch 'a that nitrogen triiodide for 'da bottom 'a 'dat cage. He step on 'dat and BOOM! Knock his little green ass out.
STRAY BULLET: Straight up! Post, where that pipe, mo'fo'? You crush up them four-leaf clovers?
POSTMASTER P: Shit is ready to go. You got that dress?
STRAY BULLET: (sighing) Man, you tell a soul about this an' I'll slap you like a newborn! Damn!
FAST FORWARD. Stray is standing in a dress, wig and high-heels at the entrance of the Cue. Butch and Post are trying not to laugh as they look him over.
POSTMASTER P: Damn you's an ugly ass bitch!
STRAY BULLET: Allright check it, I'll go inside an' scout the shit out. Post, you hang by the door and I'll wave you in if it's clear.
Post hands him the pipe with the weed in it.
BUTCH: The cage is set. I'll be over there (pointing) ready to spring.
Stray takes a deep breath and goes inside the Cue. Post stands at the door and watches him.
INSIDE THE GOLDEN CUE
It is very quiet, and fairly dark. Stray snoops low between the pool tables. Down one aisle, up another, guided by the light of neon beer signs. After awhile he doesn't see anything. He waves in Post.
STRAY BULLET: I ain't see nothin'. Maybe he ain't here.
POSTMASTER P: He got to be here. Where else his little ass gon' be? At a Dodger game?
And then suddenly,
ZOMBIE GIRLS: (O.S.) We owe our souls to the Leprechaun, where the days are green and the nights are long.
They advance on the boys, and take off their shades, revealing the laser-like light shining from their eyes.
ZOMBIE GIRL 1: (monotoned) Why are you here?
POSTMASTER P: We got this here shit for the Leprechaun.
STRAY BULLET: Yeah, special delivery. Ya'll better try it first . . . make sho'r it be kosher.
Zombie Girl 1 takes a hit off the pipe, and passes it to Zombie Girl 2. After awhile, ZG 1 begins to shake and shudder. The light in her eyes starts to die. This is repeated with all the girls until,
WAITRESS 1: Oh, my God. I'm me again! I'm me!
WAITRESS 2: Me too! We're back!
WAITRESS 3: We're saved! The nightmare is over!
WAITRESS 4: How can we thank you?! You've broken the spell!
STRAY BULLET: You can thank me from the waist down.
WAITRESS 4: Oh, we're not into girls.
Stray removes the wig quickly.
WAITRESS 3: We ain't into that, either.
POSTMASTER P: Shut up, Stray! (to the waitresses) Where's that Leprechaun? We gon' take care 'a his ass for good!
WAITRESS 2: He's in the basement below! He keeps it dark so that when he sees the light from our eyes, he knows it's only us.
WAITRESS 3: He's been using us to bring him weed and fresh hookers.
POSTMASTER P: Fresh hookers? Have you seen him wid' a gold flute?
WAITRESS 4: Yes! He keeps it around his neck on a chain. He's been looking for it the whole time.
STRAY BULLET: We got to git downstairs, Post. But how? We ain't got no light in our eyes! He'll know it ain't us.
POSTMASTER P: Butch gon' know what to do.
FAST FORWARD. Butch is standing in the middle of the bar with Stray, Post and the waitresses. He gazes around for a moment, until he sees the neon signs on the wall.
BUTCH: (as if the lightbulb came on) Perfect!
He goes over to the neon signs as the gang follows him.
BUTCH: (cont'd) I can fashion this neon into a controlled light beam, but the light only gon' last for about two minutes. Then the source gon' give out.
STRAY BULLET: That's all the time we need.
EXT. POOL HALL - DAY
Parked far away are Mack Daddy and his two bodyguards. Mack surveys a moment.
BODYGUARD 1: What it is they be doin' in there?
MACK DADDY: Shut up, muscle head! Theys probably tryin' to git that flute. We let 'em do all the hard work, then we sweep in an' clean up.
INT. POOL HALL - DAY
Butch has rigged up a flexible, neon, headpiece for Post to wear. He tries it on.
POSTMASTER P: You sho'r this gon' work, Butch?
BUTCH: Yes. In the dark these beams will throw off a laser like light. (looking at his watch) You have roughly two minutes.
WAITRESS 1: You're gonna lure him back up here?!
STRAY BULLET: That's the plan!
WAITRESS 2: We're leaving then.
WAITRESS 4: We can't take any chances. It was horrible!
They all flee quickly.
STRAY BULLET: Yo, ya'll's supposed to thank my ass!
POSTMASTER P: Come on, Stray! It's time to execute boy. We be gettin' plenty of that once we git that flute. Butch, be ready outside to spring the trap.
Butch leaves, and the boys go to the basement door. Post puts the light fixture on his head, and Stray puts his wig back on.
POSTMASTER P: (cont'd) An' try to be sexy!
They open the door and creep down the stairway to the Leprechaun's lair. They can hear him SNORING. They creep closer, terrified, but determined.
POSTMASTER P: (imitating a woman) Mr. Leprechaun. Wake up Mr. Leprechaun. Mr. Leprechaun.
But he still SNORES.
POSTMASTER P: (cont'd) (loudly) YO, MR. LEPRECHAUN!
The Leprechaun is startled and immediately springs to attention on his plush bed.
POSTMASTER P: (cont'd) Mr. Leprechaun. I brought you some fresh new ho'r meat and some fresh weed.
The Leprechaun licks his lips.
LEPRECHAUN: Come closer, come closer, my fresh young lass. Let me get a good look before I tap your ass! He, he, he, he, he.
Stray hesitates, but Post gives him the pipe and pushes him forward.
LEPRECHAUN: (cont'd) A shy hooker. How intriguing.
Stray demurely goes forward, handing the Leprechaun the pipe. He conjures a flame at the end of his finger and lights it. He immediately inhales it, and starts to feel amorous.
LEPRECHAUN: (cont'd) (patting the bed) Come sit, come sit, my healthy filly. (grabbing his crotch) You're about to meet a club named Billy! He, he, he, he, he.
Stray approaches the bed and sits. The Leprechaun starts to stroke his arm and kiss his neck. Stray GIGGLES.
EXT. POOL HALL - DAY
Butch is realizing that something is wrong with his rigging. He tugs on the rope, now draped over a telephone pole, and it doesn't budge.
BUTCH: Damn! Shit is stuck! I got to jar this shit loose!
He looks around, finally deciding the only way is to ram the pole with Stray's car. He gets in the car.
INT. THE POOL HALL - DAY
Down in the basement, the Leprechaun continues on his quest for Stray's ass.
LEPRECHAUN: They say in the hood you're never down, unless you have the courage to go... downtown... hmmmmmmm.
STRAY BULLET: (feminine voice) Oh, shit! Let me freshen up first!
The Leprechaun's hand begins to go down the front of Stray's dress. He gets to the middle and grabs. By the look on the Lep's face, something is wrong. The Lep looks towards Post, who he still believes is his Zombie Girl. Post's headgear lights begin to flicker. The Lep knows something is awry.
LEPRECHAUN: (upset) What sort of ruse is this?!
He tugs at Stray's wig and of course it comes off. The Lep pushes him away and as Stray begins to fall, he grabs the flute, snapping the chain as he falls from the bed.
POSTMASTER P: Come on, Stray! Let's get outta' here.
Stray scrambles up and starts to run out. The Leprechaun jumps to the floor below and starts to run, but he is a little groggy.
Post and Stray are high-tailing it out. They stop in the middle of the bar and wait.
STRAY BULLET: You think he's comin?!
Post doesn't have to answer. The Lep bursts through the door, wobbly but upset.
LEPRECHAUN: Come back with me flute you cross-dressin' hoods!
He staggers after them, determined to retrieve his flute.
The boys run out of the Cue, and wait at the entrance.
STRAY BULLET: (yelling to Butch) Butch, he comin'! He comin'! Get ready!
Butch throws the car in gear, reverse, ready to back into the pole when the Lep bursts through the door.
They wait. What's taking him so long.
POSTMASTER P: Stray, play that flute!
Stray begins to play the flute and PRESTO, the Lep comes bursting through the door, obviously high. Butch steps on the gas, the TIRES SQUEAL, and he crashes the car into the telephone pool. The cage, suspended above the Lep, begins to shake and shimmy, and finally drops onto him. He is trapped!
STRAY BULLET: We did it!
POSTMASTER P: We're the kings 'a the world! We're the kings 'a the world.
Butch runs over and joins their triumph. They hug and jump up and down as the Leprechaun SNARLS at them from the cage.
CUT TO MACK DADDY.
MACK DADDY: This time, no mistakes! Let's go! Wait! Look!
Mack watches Wreck arriving on the scene. And Wreck is holding up the golden necklace. The boys celebrate some more.
MACK DADDY: (cont'd) They did a nice job. It gon' be a shame to take their dream away! Let's go.
The Bodyguard floors the car and it tears off towards the boys, who still celebrate and now taunt the Leprechaun from their superior position.
WRECK: (holding the necklace) You, you, you about to be stoned for good now, fool!
STRAY BULLET: Dope smokin', ho'r pokin' freak!
And then they are aroused by the LOUD SKIDDING of tires as Mack and his boys arrive on the scene. As they exit from the car.
MACK DADDY: You boys done some good work! But the music business is for pros! Boys, take care 'a these amateurs.
The huge bodyguards advance on the boys. Post and Stray go after Bodyguard 1, but the man is too much and he begins to overpower them. Butch and Wreck are trying to fight off Bodyguard 2, punching him repeatedly, but he is not fazed by their blows. He begins to kick their asses. Mack stands back and LAUGHS at the spectacle. All boys are down now, taking a good beating from the goons.
Mack reaches into his jacket and pulls out a gun, FIRING it into the air. Everyone stops as Mack walks over to Post.
MACK DADDY: (cont'd) You gon' be the first, fool! Payback! And this time I ain't gon' miss!
He cocks the trigger, takes aim, and is ready to fire when suddenly, out of nowhere a foot crashes into his head and he tumbles to the ground. Kung-Fu Joe to the rescue!
POSTMASTER P: Joe! It's Joe! My boy!
Fighting ensues again. Joe is on top of Mack, trying to wrestle the gun away from him. He slams Mack's hand onto the cement and a SHOT RINGS OUT. It hits one of the rails on the cage holding the Lep. The Lep jumps in fear. Another SHOT RINGS OUT. Then a third SHOT RINGS OUT. This one hits the package of nitrogen triiodide in the bottom of the cage. A tremendous EXPLOSION occurs, sending the cage high up into the air, and smoke everywhere, clouding the scene. It is silent for a moment, the explosion having knocked everyone silly. In the smoke,
POSTMASTER P: (cont'd) Stray! Butch! Where is everyone?!
Mack begins to stumble around, wandering through the smoke. He is startled to come face to face with the Leprechaun.
LEPRECHAUN: It's been a hoot, it's been a blast! But now it's time to kill your ass!
The Lep pounces on Mack! He rides him from behind, his bony hands around Mack's neck. He twists his head around, and around, and around. The big man sinks to the ground, limp and dead.
His bodyguards make their way through the smoke and see him laying there. They give each other a look of horror, and then head for the hills. Meanwhile,
STRAY BULLET: Post! Butch! Somebody!
He wanders through the cloud of smoke, startling himself as he runs into Post. Post holds up the golden flute! They still have it. Then Butch joins them.
BUTCH: Where's Joe and Wreck?
STRAY BULLET: I don't know! Let's get the fuck outta' here.
They began to wander through the smoke. They see an opening and head towards it, running. But it is an alley, and they have reached a dead end.
POSTMASTER P: Shit! Wrong way!
They turn and start running in the other direction. Just as they are about to run into the smoke, the Leprechaun bursts through, stalking with determination. His fury fueled by the blood of Mack, which covers him from head to toe.
STRAY BULLET: Sweet Jesus!
POSTMASTER P: That mo'fo' is pissed! Butch, thank 'a somethin'!
BUTCH: I only got one thang to say!
They all look at each other.
POSTMASTER P/STRAY BULLET/BUTCH: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They begin to back up in the alley as the Lep stalks them slowly.
CUT TO WRECK. He is regaining consciousness. He tries to focus, looks down, and realizes he still has the necklace in his hand.
POSTMASTER P: (O.S.) HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He hears the screams of the boys. He jumps up and listens. He staggers through the smoke, following the PLEAS OF 'HELP'. He breaks through the cloud of smoke to see the boys retreating and the Lep closing in.
STRAY BULLET: Wreck! Wreck! Throw the necklace, Wreck!
BUTCH: Throw the necklace! Throw the necklace!
The Lep continues to advance. Wreck looks at the necklace. He looks at the Leprechaun. The boys are cornered. He swings it in the air, like a lasso, and with one tremendous swing of the arm, sends it flying to its destiny.
The boys watch as the necklace flys towards the Lep. Swirling, tumbling, perfectly spiralling. The Lep turns to see what they are staring at. His eyes widen. The necklace is only feet from his head, now inches. FADE OUT.
INT. HARD ROCK CAFE - NIGHT
Postmaster P, Stray Bullet, Wreck and Butch are onstage at the Hard Rock Cafe. They wear shades, and are rocking the crowd with their haunting sound.
In the audience, Kung-Fu Joe, Matty and Lonnie Cochran watch the boys in awe.
Post and Stray move around the stage like consummate professionals. Post solos on the golden flute as the crowd goes wild and the song comes to an end.
The boys bow to the adulation of the crowd. They remove their shades. Bright beams of light shine forth. They are minions of the Leprechaun.
KUNG-FU JOE: (to Matty and Lonnie) They have realized their dream. And lost their souls in the process.
The crowd believes it is part of a light show and applaud even wilder. Off to the side of the stage is the Leprechaun. The hooker from the hood stands next to him, and a turntable hangs from around his neck.
LEPRECHAUN: Sounds like a smash gold record to me! He, he, he, he, he.
The Leprechaun and the hooker march to the stage amidst great applause. He begins to rap.
FADE OUT.
