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Leprechaun in the Hood Early Script Part 3 |
Other stuff: Email - Guestbook |
Written by Douglas L. Hall for Trimark Pictures
They follow him in and take a seat in his very well-maintained home. A huge glass dildo sits on the coffee table.
FONTAINE: (cont'd) You men look like you could use a glass of wine, or maybe a massage. I don't usually like to give massages this early 'cause it works me up.
WRECK: You ain't ma-ma-massaging nothin'!
FONTAINE: Good colon massage keep you regular.
STRAY BULLET: Look, Fontaine, forget the massage! We need help. We ah...
POSTMASTER P: We be goin' on the road soon, see. And we tryin' to git some practice movin' from place to place.
WRECK: Yeah! And we thought we'd stay at yo'r place tonight. Then we move on.
BUTCH: But we gonna need to set up our shit and rehearse. You know, get a real life feel.
FONTAINE: Oooh, you know I just love me some company. I also love me some... cash...
The boys look at each other somewhat disappointed, then Stray opens his wallet and peels off a bill for Fontaine.
FONTAINE: You know every little bit help so I can get my operation.
STRAY BULLET: What you havin'? An adda-dic-tomy?
FONTAINE: (fake laughter) Ah, ha, ha, ha. You so funny. Well don't just sit here, get yo'r stuff and let me hear some jam!
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT
Chow is busy installing another video camera near the rear of his store.
The door opens. He sees it open but he doesn't see anyone enter.
He listens suspiciously. Hears footsteps. Starts to chase the footsteps around the store.
Up one aisle, down another, up another. The figure turns the corner of one aisle and Chow closes in on him.
CHOW: (still pursuing) Okay, wise guy! Where you at?! Who I look like, Cawl Lewis?!
No more footsteps. He listens, slowly tip-toes down the aisle. Looking left, looking right and listening.
He stops. He sees what he believes to be a little green doll on one of the shelves, but it is the Leprechaun.
CHOW: (cont'd) Who put 'dis ugly cabbage patch doll in my store?!
Suddenly, the Leprechaun whips out a can of starch.
LEPRECHAUN: I didn't expect to see you here laddie. Did you lose your way in a rice paddy?
He unloads a heavy stream of starch in Chow's face.
The Leprechaun jumps from the shelf. He whips out his shalaylee and whacks Chow in the leg, bringing him to his knees as he SCREAMS in pain.
CHOW: Aiiiigggghhhh!!!
LEPRECHAUN: You know me gold flute means everything. Now where do you keep your Irish Spring?
Then he whips out two tampons and shoves them in Chow's nose.
LEPRECHAUN: (cont'd) This should hold you for a period!
Still not done, the Leprechaun whips out a lighter. He holds it under Chow's chin and flicks it. Chow immediately goes up in flames.
LEPRECHAUN: (cont'd) Chinese fire drill! He, he, he. Those who oppose me, this is your fate. Obey me now, or incinerate!
INT. FONTAINE RIVERA'S HOUSE - NIGHT
The boys are rehearsing in Fontaine's basement. They come to the end of a song.
STRAY BULLET: Aw man, that ain't tight at all. You know what I'm sayin'?
POSTMASTER P: It's the beat! Wreck, what you doin' on the turntable boy?! You ain't keepin' it real!
WRECK: Ch-ch-check yourself, home crispy! Jus' 'cause Matty burnt yo'r ass don't be comin' down on mine!
BUTCH: This room ain't got no acoustics, neither! 'Specially what we need for Post's sorry ass voice.
POSTMASTER P: It ain't positive 'cause we ain't positive!
A full-blown arguement ensues with everyone yelling at everyone, except for Stray, who takes the golden flute from his pocket and begins to play. Everyone stops, entranced by the sound they cannot hear.
POSTMASTER P: (cont'd) Yo Butch. Take that last song from the top. Stray, keep playin' that flute!
Butch queues up the mix and as the music starts, Stray begins to play the flute. The boys immediately notice a difference in the sound. Fontaine wanders downstairs and begins dancing. Kung-Fu Joe rhythmically does some Kung Fu moves. Just as they are getting into it the song abruptly ends.
FONTAINE: Oh, no! Keep it goin! You got me shakin' my groove thang!
BUTCH: Sorry, Fontaine. I have to loop some more time on this sample.
POSTMASTER P: Now that was some straight up funky hip-hop!
WRECK: Yeah! It go through you like a hollow point!
STRAY BULLET: Yo, Fontaine! How long would it take you to round up some of yo'r colon-kissin' comrades for a concert?
FONTAINE: A concert? With Fontaine Rivera as host?
POSTMASTER P: Call it our comin' out concert. You know, Butch got a little bi-curious in him!
FONTAINE: (as he flutters away) Oh splendid, oh glorious, Fontaine's first musical promotion! It'll be to die for!
Fontaine stops briefly to give Butch a sexy, come-hither glance.
BUTCH: Don't be sayin' no shit like that!
FAST FORWARD. Men are dancing with men, in the basement of Fontaine's house as the boys play for the crowd. Nobody gives them much attention until Stray pulls out the flute and plays. The power of the flute immediately mesmerizes the crowd. As they finish, they get a rousing response.
GAY MAN 1: That's just so marvelous! Isn't that marvelous?!
GAY MAN 2: Pump it up, heyyyyyyyyy!
The boys stand together and take an awkward bow.
GAY MAN 3: Bend down over here, flute boy!
They immediately stand erect and Post makes an announcement.
POSTMASTER P: We gon' freshen up an' do a little sumpin' sumpin' later! Peace!
They all go off the stage together, moving through the crowd awkwardly.
FAST FORWARD. The boys are standing in the bathroom, Wreck at the urinal, taking care of his business. The others are primping in the mirror, except for Butch, who is rummaging through Fontaine's bathroom drawers. He pulls out some items including condoms, douche and a CLOSE-UP on KY Jelly.
STRAY BULLET: Boy, stay outta' Fontaine's shit. You don't know where he be puttin' that!
BUTCH: Damn, he a straight up freak! (holding up the KY) This boy got jelly all the way from Kentucky!
STRAY BULLET: He must be into some 'a that freaky backwoods, backdoor Deliverance shit!
Wreck, having finished,
WRECK: Yo, thanks for coverin' my ass. I was 'fraid to use this mutha-fucker by m-m-myself.
Just then Fontaine opens the door and peeks in. He has some green goo smeared all over his face, and is wearing some headphones.
FONTAINE: Bravo! Bravo! You were magnifique! Magnifique!
He enters and starts the water to the bath.
FONTAINE: (cont'd) Don't mind me. Part of my nightly cleansing routine.
He eyes Butch, who still has the KY Jelly in his hand.
FONTAINE: (cont'd) Shall I run enough water for two?
And then he flutters away again, closing the door.
POSTMASTER P: We was a stone hit! Did you hear them screamin' they asses off?!
KUNG-FU JOE: Number 1 with a bullet!
BUTCH: Like we was Judy Garland!
STRAY BULLET: Everytime I play this flute, somethin' happens to our music.
POSTMASTER P: That flute is the positive reaffirmation of our destiny. That's what it is!
They hear a great commotion.
STRAY BULLET: Listen at 'em! They still want us!
Stray opens the door to take a look outside. What he sees stuns him. It is the Leprechaun, standing in the middle of the living room and breaking up the party. People are running everywhere. Stray quickly closes the door.
STRAY BULLET: (cont'd) Damn! Shit! Damn! Fuck!
POSTMASTER P: Yo, Stray? Whaddup?!
STRAY BULLET: That little green mo'fo'. He downstairs!
WRECK: What?! Shit! An' we ain't got no guns! Goddamn!
KUNG-FU JOE: I will confront this monster. With the power of the medallion, I am invincible.
WRECK: Don't be trippin', Joe. This ain't no normal freak.
Butch begins looking through more drawers. He finds an electric blanket and pulls it out. He plugs it into the wall.
POSTMASTER P: What you gon' do Butch, soothe that mutha-fucker to death?!
Butch ignores him and studies the ingredients of the KY and the douche for a moment.
BUTCH: Hmmm, a sixty-forty mixture should do.
CUT TO THE LIVING ROOM. The Leprechaun is holding the big glass dildo in front of him and stalking a gay man. He is backing the man in a corner.
GAY MAN 1: No! Please, no! Stop! Don't do it!
The man is now backed into the corner. He realizes he is a goner, so he turns around, and butt up in the air,
GAY MAN 1: (cont'd) Be gentle...
The Leprechaun beats him senseless with the huge dildo.
BACK TO THE BATHROOM. Butch holds a condom filled to the limit with a mixture of KY Jelly and douche.
BUTCH: See, the mix of douche and jelly is very combustible. First, we lure that little mo'fo' in here. (pointing) We'll be standin' outside the window. When he come in and step on that electric blanket, Wreck gon' heave this mixture at his head. Combustibility plus electricity equal flammability!
STRAY BULLET: Damn you smart! He smart!
WRECK: Butch know all twenty-six digits in the numerical system!
BUTCH: Just think 'a me as . . . Mr. Wizard wid' a big unused dick! Now let's get that mo'fo' in here.
FAST FORWARD. The boys are standing outside of the bathroom window.
WRECK: (screaming) Yo, freak! Up here!
BUTCH: That ain't no way to call a monster! Boy you stupid. (calling) Here, monster monster monster! Here, monster, monster, monster!
They wait and then, slowly, the bathroom door opens, and it is the Leprechaun. He has a sinister grin on his face. He surveys the bathroom.
WRECK: (whispering) Just a little bit further. Come on f-f-freak boy.
The Leprechaun takes a step further, and now he is on the electric blanket.
BUTCH: (whispering) Now, Wreck! Now!
Wreck winds up... and the pitch...
The condom hits him square in the face, sending the gooey liquid everywhere, including the blanket.
WRECK: Nothin' but freak!
STRAY BULLET: Wreck knows condoms!
The mixture oozes down his clothes, reaches the electric blanket, and then, WHOOSH, he is a swirling fireball.
LEPRECHAUN: Arrrgggghhh!
The boys high-five each other.
BUTCH: You 'da man, Wreck! You da man!
WRECK: Just thank a' me as... Just thank a' me as... Wreck wid' a big dick!
The boys flee.
CUT TO THE LEPRECHAUN. He is still on fire, but he manages to fall into the tub of water that Fontaine has been running, and puts the fire out. He is a blackened mess. Then Fontaine wanders in, wearing a bath towel. The Leprechaun startles him.
FONTAINE: Oh, no honey. That look is all wrong for you! You can't wear black when you that small.
LEPRECHAUN: I seek the flute, now hand it over!
FONTAINE: You want my flute, honey?
Fontaine drops the towel, steps into the bath naked, and pulls the shower curtain.
FONTAINE: (O.S.)(cont'd) You just the right height, honey.
A tremendous battle breaks out. Water is splashing everywhere.
FONTAINE: (O.S.)(cont'd) Oh no! You one 'a them killer fags!
More struggling, and water splashing everywhere.
FONTAINE: (O.S.)(cont'd) Someone save me! Someone save me! I'm goin' down like the Titanic! Help me! Help me!
A GARBLED SCREAM is heard, as it is obvious that Fontaine is drowning.
EXT. A DARK ALLEY - NIGHT
The boys and Kung-Fu Joe are standing around a dark alley.
BUTCH: We don' fucked wif' the spiritual world, now! We don' unleashed a whole supernatural, universal, whack pack!
STRAY BULLET: Butch may have somethin'. Thangs don' turned freaky as a mo'fo'!
POSTMASTER P: That ain't nothin' but adversity tryin' to discourage our ass! We was throwin' down at Fontaine's.
WRECK: We got Mack after our ass! And I bet we ain't seen the last 'a that Leprechaun. Butch, make up some dynamite an' shit!
KUNG-FU JOE: When we need sanctuary, then we shall seek it, in a sanctuary. Reverend Hanson's Baptist Church!
POSTMASTER P: I got to git home and see my mom. Make sure she okay.
STRAY BULLET: Okay, then I'm gonna drop you boys at the church. Me and Post make a run by his house an' meet up w'ich you there later.
EXT. POST'S HOUSE - NIGHT
The boys are sneaking into Post's house, looking around to see that everything is clear. They go inside, and immediately head to the kitchen.
MOM: (O.S.) Who that? Who that?
POSTMASTER P: Mom, it's me!
His mom ambles into the kitchen, feeling her way with her cane.
MOM: Boy where you been? I needed someone to massage my bunions.
Stray makes a face at the thought of it.
POSTMASTER P: Me an' Stray had some business to take care of.
MOM: Stray Bullet? That lazy-ass hood boy? You know he ain't good for nothin'.
STRAY BULLET: (clears his throat)
MOM: Oh, hello, Stray. How's your mama?
STRAY BULLET: She good, Mrs. Smith.
MOM: Tell her I said hello. She still sneakin' 'round with Jackie Dee?
Stray doesn't know what to say. Post's mom begins to walk away.
MOM: (cont'd) There some soup on the stove. Plenty 'a hot sauce. Jus' like you like it.
POSTMASTER P: Thanks, mom. Goodnight.
Post gets two bowls from the dish rack and ladles some soup in. Stray takes out the flute. He begins to play, as Post tests the soup.
POSTMASTER P: (cont'd) Damn! She always make it too hot!
EXT. THE GOLDEN CUE - NIGHT
Lep is walking down the street near the Golden Cue. Working a nearby corner is the hooker he saw earlier. He saunters over to her.
LEPRECHAUN: I know you thinks me a horny old bugger, but how about a taste of some fine brown sugar?
HOOKER: You sur' you got the package for my wrappin' honey? Yo'r little tally-whacker might not can withstand my lovin' honey.
LEPRECHAUN: I'll show you me tally when we step in the alley!
She takes his hand and they go into a darkened alley. He immediately jumps into her arms, and immediately begins to pump her. But he stops when he hears the flute. He gets an image of Postmaster P's house. This is a real dilemma.
LEPRECHAUN: (cont'd) I get no benefits, I don't get paid. Screw the flute, I want to get laid!
HOOKER: Oh, shit daddy! Bring it to me, daddy! What do they call you, Mr. Tripod? Ooooh daddy!! Oh, shit!
LEPRECHAUN: (to the camera) I pride myself on shagging for hours. A trick I learned from Austin Powers.
HOOKER: OOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Her scream fills the night.
INT. POST'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Still in the kitchen.
POSTMASTER P: Come on. We take this shit wit' us 'til it cools.
Stray takes his bowl and they begin to leave.
EXT. POST'S HOUSE - NIGHT
The boys have just exited the house. As they turn around, two mountains of manhood stand before them. It is Mack Daddy's bodyguards.
BODYGUARD 1: (approaching) Just the mutha-fuckers we lookin' for!
BODYGUARD 2: Yeah. Mack want you thievin' bastards for hisself!
STRAY BULLET: Who you lookin' for, fool?!
BODYGUARD 2: We lookin' for you! And Postmaster P.
POSTMASTER P: That ain't us! You got the wrong peeps! What is you, LAPD?
The bodyguards draw closer to get a better look at the boys. When they do, Post and Stray throw their hot soup in their faces. The bodyguards SCREAM in agony and the boys flee. They jump in their car and Stray starts it up. The HOWLS of the bodyguards can still be heard.
STRAY BULLET: That was some good soup!
POSTMASTER P: Hit the spot!
They high-five each other.
EXT. THE BAPTIST CHURCH - DAY
The boys are asleep at the back door of the church. REVEREND HANSON strolls up. He is an older black man with a balding head and grayish hair, styled in a Jeri-curl.
REVEREND HANSON: The Lord is good! He has delievered to me the worst 'a Satan's sinners! Praise God!
The boys awaken.
POSTMASTER P: Reveren' Hanson, we need some sanctuary in your sanctuary!
STRAY BULLET: We're hidin' from Mack Daddy O'Nasses! He about to go on a killin' spree!
POSTMASTER P: And we is the spree he tryin' to kill.
REVEREND HANSON: Oh, so you need a place to hide out.
WRECK: For one n-n-night! Then we be outta' here.
REVEREND HANSON: Hmmmm, let me see now. Regular hotel rates would be...
STRAY BULLET: We give you fifty dollars and we square.
REVEREND HANSON: Oh, that's nice. That's very nice! But there's one more thang.
POSTMASTER P: What?
REVEREND HANSON: Our musical entertainment cancelled for tomorrow. Lead singer got his ass arrested again! Seein' how's you boys is musically inclined, I suspect you might be available for... one song.
STRAY BULLET: We can't do that! We tryin' to stay undercover!
REVEREND HANSON: Don't you worry 'bout that. I can solve that problem. Now, blessed be the compensation.
The Reverend holds out his hand.
STRAY BULLET: Man, you is straight up money buggin'!
He puts the money in the grateful Reverend's hand. The boys file into the church.
Unbeknownst to them, Lonnie Cochran is watching from his White Bronco sport utility vehicle. He opens the glove compartment. He pulls out a bloody glove.
LONNIE COCHRAN: Damn, I keep forgetting to give this back to O.J.
He digs further and finds his cellular phone. He dials.
LONNIE COCHRAN: Mack, this is Lonnie. Assalam Alaikum. (pause) Uh-huh. (pause) I heard you were looking for Stray Bullet and Postmaster P. Looks like they're hiding out at the Community Baptist Church. (pause) Happy to be of help. Assalam Alaikum.
INT. POST'S HOUSE - DAY
Post's mom is fixing food in the kitchen. She goes to reach in her apron pocket, when a little green hand grabs hers.
MOM: (cont'd) Who that?
It is the Leprechaun. She feels the top of his head.
MOM: (cont'd) Oh, you must be one a' Post's little friends. You must be wantin' some of that soup I made, uh-huh.
She uses her other hand to feel the Lep's hand.
MOM: (cont'd) Ohhhh, child! You got the arthur-itis bad! Yo' little hands is all knotted up. You need some good food in yo'r stomach. That's what you need. Now you go wash up!
He does not relinquish his grip.
MOM: (cont'd) Go on! Wash them filthy little hands and let that hot water run on 'em some. I'll go fix you some potatoes and pork-fried collard greens. Now go on!
The Leprechaun perks up and licks his lips at the sound of this. He scampers off.
INT. BAPTIST CHURCH - MORNING
The congregation is packed. Lonnie Cochran sits with Post's girlfriend, Matty. He slips his arm around her and she smiles. Kung-Fu Joe sits in the first row. Reverend Hanson stands in the sanctuary, about to introduce the boys.
REVEREND HANSON: Brothas and sistas, I am so pleased to present a fine replacement group as our musical entertainment this mornin'. These boys are from the Southside 'a Jerusalem. They is here to do a accapella version of "Jesus Loves Me This I Know." Show some love for Chocolate Gefeltefish!
The boys enter from the back in long robes and long, fake Hasidic beards. They are arguing amongst themselves. Apparently they don't know the words. Finally,
BUTCH: Jesus loves me, this I know...
STRAY BULLET: If he don't... I'll find a ho'.
The CONGREGATION GASPS.
POSTMASTER P: His mama's name... was Mary Joe.
Again the CONGREGATION GASPS.
WRECK: His disciples was some bad mo'-mo'-mo'---
REVEREND HANSON: (interrupting) Amen!! Amen!! Thank you boys. Thank you! Yes, sir! That was delightful!
The boys take their place in the choir as the CONGREGATION GRUMBLES, and the reverend takes the puplpit. Post sees Matty with Lonnie.
POSTMASTER P: (whispered to Stray) Ain't even been a week! Why she gon' play me like that?
Stray shrugs.
REVEREND HANSON: Next Sunday's sermon will come from the book 'a Rufus.
The CONGREGATION GRUMBLES, not knowing this book.
REVEREND HANSON: (cont'd) This seldom studied disciple was the man who taught Jesus to walk on water. Say Amen! Later he drownded durin' a fishin' trip, when he tried to save some malt liquor that fell overboard! Amen! (clearing his throat) As we pass the offerrin' plate, let's hear it one more time for Chocolate Gefeltefish, wif' one 'a their o-riginal compositions.
The boys take the stage again. Wreck on the turntable and Butch handling the mix. They start slow, and not getting much response as the ushers pass the offerring. Then, Stray takes out the flute and begins to play.
The crowd immediately gets into the music. Several women begin to dance in the aisle. Even the pastor is getting jiggy with it. A very attractive woman comes up to the pulpit and does a slow grind with Postmaster P. He is delighted and Matty seems very jealous. Soon the woman is cleared away by an usher. Money is flowing heavily into the offering plates as the boys rap on.
INT. POST'S HOUSE - DAY
The Leprechaun is seated at the kitchen table. Mom is bringing his plate to the table. She sits down, places the food in front of him, and picks up the utensils. The Lep, is a bit confused.
MOM: Now I'm gon' feed you on account yo'r little hands is all knotted up and you can't grab these here utensils.
She picks up the fork. Gets some greens on the plate and tries to find his mouth. The fork and the mouth keep missing each other, and the Lep, frustrated, lunges at the food. Unfortunately, the fork sticks in his left eye.
LEPRECHAUN: Aiiiiiggggghhhh!
MOM: Oh, this too hot ain't it? My bad.
She removes the fork, his eyeball still attached. The Lep continues to moan and groan.
MOM: (cont'd) (getting up) Lemme' mix you some kool-aid. Fan 'ya mouth boy, fan 'ya mouth. You be okay. Quit all that fussin'!
She goes to the sink and gathers some water in a glass. Two containers sit on the kitchen sink, Drano and Kool-Aid. She opens the Drano and mixes in a couple of teaspoons.
Just then the Leprechaun hears the flute and gets a vision of the boys in church. He begins to levitate.
INT. BAPTIST CHURCH - DAY
The boys, including Kung-Fu Joe and Reverend Hanson, are standing around the altar, admiring the money in the collection plate. Bread for communion also rests on the table. Lonnie Cochran and Matty are just about to leave from a side entrance of the church, and an older woman, MISS JENKINS is struggling along in her walker. Post looks over at Matty, but doesn't seem to care. Neighborhood Watch Nates sits in a pew, glaring at the boys, waiting to question them.
POSTMASTER P: This mor' money than you ever seen, Reverend! An' it all because a' us!
STRAY BULLET: Maybe the good Rev wanna share that wif' some struggling artists.
REVEREND HANSON: The Lord giveth . . . and Reverend Hanson keepeth! Amen!
Suddenly the doors of the church burst open. Mack Daddy and his bodyguards move down the aisle menacingly. He does not recognize the boys in their costumes.
MACK DADDY: I want my flute! An' I want my gol'. (to the Reverend) Otherwise, I'mo tear this mutha-fucker up!
REVEREND HANSON: Mack Daddy O'Nasses! The biggest sinner a' them all! Praise God! Just in time for a contribution!
Mack goes over to Miss Jenkins and takes her walker away. She starts to stagger about, wobbly.
MACK DADDY: Where them boys at! I know you hidin' 'em!
REVEREND HANSON: Walk, Miss Jenkins! Walk!
She stumbles around a bit, then starts going around in circles before keeling over.
MISS JENKINS: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Lonnie runs up and puts a business card in her hand.
LONNIE COCHRAN: Physical injury, emotional distress, bad dental work. Call me. Assalam Alaikum!
He quickly leaves, ushering Matty out with him.
Now the boys are mad. They rip off their costumes.
STRAY BULLET: Come on, Mack. We gon' throw down!
Kung-Fu Joe immediately springs into readiness and starts to give Bodyguard 1 another sound beating. Reverend Hanson helps up Ms. Jenkins.
Total chaos breaks out, as a battle erupts. Stray takes on Mack Daddy, but the big man gets him in a headlock and wrestles him to the ground, pounding him over and over until he is nearly unconscious. Wreck jumps on Mack and begins to punch him over and over, doing damage.
Bodyguard 2 is pounding Post and Butch pretty well, taking turns punching each of them. Fortunately, Kung-Fu disposes of Bodyguard 1 and comes to give them relief. He begins to thoroughly kick Bodyguard 2's butt.
Post goes over to help up Stray, as Mack now begins to get the better of Wreck. With a few hard blows, Mack disposes of Wreck. Mack then goes over to Post and Stray, each trying to help the other up. Mack draws a gun and takes aim at Post and Wreck.
POSTMASTER P: (pleading for his life) Don't shoot me, Mack. Not in church!
Wreck, coming to, sees the development. He grabs an empty offerring plate from the altar and heaves it like a frisbee at the gun in Mack's hand. The plate hits Mack's hand hard, changing the aim of the weapon. It goes off! Everyone is silent, and semmingly okay, except for Old Miss Jenkins, who has been shot. Mack stands on the aisle carpet, cocking the gun again,
MACK DADDY: (taking aim at Post) Shot me wif' my own gun. In my own house! You boys coulda' been big wif' that flute! Now it's payback time!
POSTMASTER P: We give you back that flute. Don't shoot, Mack!
MACK DADDY: Heh, heh, heh. Ya'll don't git it! That flute is the reason you sound so good! It's magical. It can turn any song into a stone, cold hit.
STRAY BULLET: So that's how you do it! I knew yo'r fat ass didn't have no talent.
Then the front doors of the church burst open. There stands the Leprechaun.
LEPRECHAUN: Saints and sinners! Losers and winners! When it comes to killin', you're all beginners!
Mack, distracted, doesn't notice as Post reaches down, pulls the carpet, causing him to tumble to the floor.
POSTMASTER P: (getting up) Let's go! To the basement!
The boys get up and run into the basement as Mack tries to pull his huge girth up.
MACK DADDY: (cont'd) Oh, shit! (to his bodyguards) Come on, let's go!
They all flee the church immediately as the Leprechaun advances down the aisle.
He takes a look around. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Stray Bullet peaking
around a door opening, looking at him.
